Do You Feel Not Good Enough? We Feel This Way Too…
This moment seems to be perfect. You have everything that one can possibly want: you are healthy and wealthy enough. There is food in your fridge, you have loving people by your side. Your job could be better but it’s not that bad. You know that many people would kill to have a life like yours, especially those who live in poverty in third world countries. It’s not that you are depressed. It’s just this voice in your head that keeps telling you that you are not good enough. You could look better. Or be with someone else. You could have more money, a better car. You keep thinking about what would life be if you made different decisions in the past.
No matter how hard you try, you are never happy to the fullest. This voice in your head keeps ruining your best moments. Even though it’s not your best friend, it is with you always. Why? I am not a psychologist, so I don’t know why it’s there. All I know is that I’ve learned to live with it. In this post, you will find out how you can start overcoming insecurity.
Every time we have a meeting on Skype with our customers, we got nervous. Even though we are blogging in English, we still feel insecure about our skills. This blog was founded in 2012, so it’s been 7 years now. And we still feel like we are not good enough!
I’ve always felt that I am worse than native English speakers, that I am unable to express myself fully in a foreign language. I was worried that somebody would tell me that I make too many mistakes and I should just stop writing. And then, one day, it happened. Somebody said that I am not good enough.
I remember this day exactly. When I was reading the comment on Jonny’s blog, my face has slowly started to be turning red. I felt this burning deep inside. It was a mix of fear, shame, and disappointment…
Speaking of blogging- there was a time when we were running a blog in 2 languages: Polish and English. Every year in Poland there is this big competition for the best blogs in the country. We decided to give it a try and submit KarolinaPatryk.pl for it.
Never in my life have I experienced so much hate. Hate coming from fellow bloggers who were mocking us in public. There were hundreds of comments in this Facebook group thread saying that we are a failure, that we are not travelers but tourists. That we should be ashamed of ourselves, that we are being ridiculous with our little blog. Hundreds of hateful comments. From fellow travel bloggers.
We felt so hurt while reading this. What’s even more terrible, they deleted the entire thread after they finish making fun of us. Thankfully, we managed to make screenshots of it all. We still have them.
Shortly after this situation, we closed our Polish blog down. To be honest, I still feel bad when thinking about travel bloggers from Poland. We are both really thankful that we switched to English only. It’s so much better to be in touch with people from all over the world.
So far, it’s one of our biggest fears. No matter how much we have, we are still scared that we won’t have enough money. We recently realized that the dread is always the same, no matter how much do we currently earn.
Our life is often dedicated to this fear- we are working day and night only to save as much money as possible. We are tired and unhappy until we realize our life should not be ruled by fears but dreams.
On the other hand, no matter how hard we try, it always turns out that we quote too low for what we are doing. We both just unconsciously think we are not good enough to earn more.
When a company is approaching us, we often feel that we are lucky to be working with them. But the truth is, they are lucky as well. We always work hard, meet our deadlines, and do more than what we initially agreed on. Nonetheless, we still feel like we don’t deserve on having a decent salary and we work hard on overcoming insecurity related to money.
Let’s go to the love part. I am jealous of Patryk. I just still can’t believe we’ve built such an amazing life. I am afraid of losing him, that’s why I got anxious sometimes.
I go to this darkroom in my head, where I am lonely, he is not there for me. I start thinking about my miserable life and I literally feel how the fear is paralyzing my body. The dark thoughts keep coming to my mind, and I can’t really stop them.
I am playing this terrible tape in my head, even though I know it’s pointless. I have no idea what the future brings, so those dark scenarios are only taking away the beautiful moment I have now. I work hard on overcoming insecurity in our relationship.
We’ve rejected quite a few public speaking opportunities, only because I am afraid of talking to people. It’s the same with video recording, I think I shouldn’t do it because I have nothing interesting to say.
What’s funny, I know exactly when and where this fear started. I was in high school, it was a weekend training at my brother’s company. The so-called coach insisted that I should go on stage and talk about the products my brother’s company is selling. I knew nothing about them and I told him it’s not a good idea. He insisted, the crowd joined him and I said yes. When I went on the stage I only could say one sentence. It was a terrible experience, everyone was staring at me and I have this emptiness in my head.
Even though I know the reason why I am afraid of public speaking, I still feel I am not ready to face my fear, it’s so hard for me to start overcoming insecurity related to talking to people.
How to Start Overcoming Insecurities Even When You Are Feeling Down?
#1 Don’t believe in all your thoughts.
Sometimes the voices in your head are awesome. They are encouraging you to do more, travel the world, be proud of yourself. Unfortunately, it’s not always like that. We all have negative voices in our heads as well.
Even though they are necessary and sometimes save us from being cocky, they are not always right. We should never listen to the voices that are telling us that we are not good enough, that we are not worth having something we need or want.
#2 Don’t believe all the people.
You can hear negative voices not only in your head. Sometimes other people are putting you down. Those energetic vampires will do everything to make you feel bad and not worthy.
It’s great to have friends who will give you honest feedback. How to select those who tell you negative things to help you from those who just don’t want you to succeed?
The clue is the intention. When you hear something that makes you feel bad, think about the reason why your friend told you that.
If you feel he or she truly takes care of you and wants only good for you, then this advice is probably honest.
If you have some doubts, ask another person about your opinion on that.
#3 Focus on your skills and goals.
Let’s face it- you are not perfect, neither am I. You make mistakes, sometimes you have no idea what to do. It’s normal. You are normal.
Instead of thinking about your failures, focus on your goals. What do you want to achieve in life? What are the things you do right?
Think about the areas in your life that you are really good at. It will make you feel so much better.
#4 Learn how to accept compliments.
When someone tells you something nice, stop trying to find the reason why he or she said that. Simply accept it. Indulge yourself in this beautiful feeling of appreciation and love.
You are worth hearing the most amazing words because you really are special. Believe it, even though it’s hard.
The best compliments for us are emails and blog comments that we receive. So if you are reading this right now, let us know! That would be great to hear from you.
#5 Don’t take yourself too seriously.
My friend Kuba (I hope you are reading this!) once told me one sentence that I still hear in my head. When I was complaining about something and telling him how bad I feel, his advice was simple: Fuck it and let that shit go (Pierdol to I śmiej się z tego).
It was simple but brilliant and refreshing! I suddenly realized that I am being too serious about myself. Life will always be difficult but it’s my choice whether I will feel bad or good about it.
#6 Talk with someone.
It’s kind of similar to the previous paragraph. Thanks to Kuba’s instant therapy, I let all my problems go.
Sometimes it’s really good to just talk with someone, to say things out loud. Problems are always the biggest in our heads. When they are expressed, they don’t seem that big anymore.
Talking with your friends and family is helpful, but sometimes speaking to a professional therapist can bring more relief.
#7 Meditate and be thankful.
Find a time to focus on your feelings. Play relaxing music and try to let all the problems go. Then write down all the things you are thankful for.
This simple exercise may really help you notice that your life is not that bad. You have your successes, you have people that you can count on. You are living and breathing and that are the biggest things that we all should be grateful for.
#8 Take a break.
Maybe you are feeling down because you are simply tired?
Take a day or two off. Relax, stop thinking about your problems and failures. Go for a walk, spend valuable time with someone you love. Be carefree, feel like a teenager again.
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